Filing Chapter 6
Broken. That is what must happen to me... and to Paula. We sing the song so many times, as it often blesses and encourages us. Being broken means to be at the end of yourself and needing to be at the beginning of God.
For the first time in five years, since we've left the ranks of Salvation Army officership, we attended a territorial event. We attended the Southern Territorial Congress in Atlanta. "Go Deeper With God" was the theme. I had no idea that going deeper would reveal some things to myself about me.
I found myself in tears as I watched others receive their ordination and commission, as I had eight years ago. It hurt to see others within the will of God, knowing that God had called me to that same purpose, and yet we were drawn away under less than pleasant circumstances. We will go back...
I've learned that I fear ministry. I fear extending myself to others in a ministry fashion. I can remember how passionate I was about the Word and what God spoke to me through it. I believe that God had given me a spiritual gift, in that I could interpret His Word. I've found that I seem to have lost that passion and it scares me. Has God taken that gift away so easily as he had provided it?
I thought we had finished healing from our last appointment. We haven't. This weekend was good for us. We were able to face some demons, if you will. We went to the altar call this morning and wept. We had been lingering in Isaiah chapter 5 (you had to be at congress to understand). Tonight, we may still be in chapter 5, but we are ready to finish healing.
We are planning for the next five years to be a season of preparation. For me, I have a desire to rekindle my love affair with the Word. I want to be confident in the scriptures. I want to stand firmly on the truths therein and be a light, encourager, exhorter, and pastor to those around me and in my circle. I want to regain a sensitivity and intimacy with the Spirit and His leading. I am ready for my Isaiah chapter 6 experience.
We are so very thankful for a handful of close friends who have faithfully been support, loyal, and loving. They have embraced and and lifted us up to the altar as broken vessels to be mended and filled by Him.
I have survived... by his grace.
Wayne
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9:37 PM
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